Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of fighting.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Top 1% Biotech, A Merck Rival, Plummets On A Surprise Failure - Investor's Business Daily

I had run out of hope.

The sadness was still there.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

'Mission: Impossible 8': Inside How They Shot Underwater Submarine - IndieWire

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

So THAT'S Why Mosquitoes Bite Some People More Than Others - BuzzFeed

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What will the legacy of Jimmy Carter be in light of his death today at 100?

You are like me, then.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

And the sadness?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?

Be who you already are.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Germany’s Merz ventures into Trump’s lion’s den - politico.eu

It’s still here.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Diabetes drug shows benefits for patients with liver disease - Medical Xpress

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Gun owners, imagine if an attacker comes to your home and takes your gun to use against you before you had the chance to pick it up. Would you regret owning a gun?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s here now, writing to you.